sometimes transition is hard.

Being ready for change and even excited about what is ahead does not make one immune to the difficulty that transition can bring. I'm living this now. With my whole heart, I believe that God has good in store, and I look forward to it. I'm also being intentional about savoring what's left of the season my kids and I have been in. But this transitional time is stretching me thin and wearing me out already. 

I feel a bit wimpy admitting this, but I can't deny its truth. I'm looking for what God is wanting to teach me in this. Along with the practical adjustments (mainly in our daily schedule), I've been going through something major spiritually. I literally went from one day feeling on top of the world happy and excited to the next day feeling so depleted in just about every way. And I've been battling it all week. To be really transparent, these are the feelings I've been having: feeling unworthy, unloveable, inadequate, ugly, inferior, and overall just a mess. I'm a thinker and sometimes (way) over-process things, and this week it's been wreaking havoc in my mind. 

A couple of things have helped. First, keeping my attention focused upward. I'm playing worship music constantly, letting it soak into my soul, and praising God for who He is. I'm reading His Word like a treasure and finding reassurance in His promises. And I'm taking my thoughts captive. I can recognize when I start to dwell on thoughts that are deadly. Even when they feel true, I have to stop myself and remember what God says and think on those things instead. It isn't easy, and I'm not saying to stop and pretend it doesn't matter.. but to stop and acknowledge thoughts that are not healthy, try to identify why I'm feeling that way, and then remind myself of truth and purpose to dwell on that instead.

I like to think of transition as something lovely, like the time between afternoon and night. The transition that happens in the sky is a beautiful sunset. And sometimes that can be the case when we face change. But sometimes it's hard, more like the transitional stages of labor. That can be the most intense of all. I remember during one of my labors, when I got to a really tense (and painful) time of transition, I panicked for a split second and thought to myself, "I can't do this! What was I thinking?" But then I collected myself and took a deep, cleansing breath and pushed through. Minutes later, I was holding a beautiful baby, and of course it was all worth it.

If you're going through change and experiencing an intense period of transition, hold on. Take a deep, cleansing breath. Capture dangerous thoughts and soak yourself in truth. Push forward. It will be worth it. 

the fire inside you

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Sometimes we need a reminder. Sometimes what we're going through can consume us if we aren't careful. Sometimes it seems that things are so beyond our control and we're not sure how we're going to make it. We feel like no matter what we do or how hard we try, it's not enough. Sometimes our hope gets dim. That's when we need to take a deep breath and take a step back and remember that we're not alone. We were never meant to carry the world on our shoulders or walk through tough times by ourselves. We were made for more. And we will get through this. And if we take our eyes off the fire, we can see the blessings that surround us, even when we can't stand the heat of what we're going through. There is a Fire within that is so much greater than anything we face. By greater, I mean better, but also bigger. Our God is greater, stronger, mightier than any fire we may encounter. And He will get us through it.  

"When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you; your troubles will not overwhelm you. When you pass through fire, you will not be burnt; the hard trials that come will not hurt you." Isaiah 43:2 Good News Bible

Keep going. Stand firm. And please, don't lose hope. Dig deep and let that Fire inside give you the strength and courage to persevere. This too shall pass.

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I only sink when I look down.

I have a confession.  Some days are hard.  Mostly, I have peace and joy and such assurance that everything is going to be alright.  The smile you'd see on my face if you were to see me on a daily basis is a genuine reflection of the peace that's in my heart.  But some days... some days I lose focus.  Some days are hard.  I've had some rough days and sleepless nights lately.  Something (big) was weighing me down and I was unable to shake it on my own.  But the good news is that I wasn't made to carry it on my own.  My hope is in the God I love, and when I surrender my cares to Him, an amazing thing happens.  I let go of my worries and in exchange, He gives me peace.  I can breathe a big sigh of relief because I'm reminded that He's got this.  I'm never alone.  He'll never leave me or forsake me.  And He takes care of me and my household in ways that blow my mind.  It took me a few days this time to let go of my worries, but when I did... oh, the relief!  I am refreshed.  

I shared with a few friends this week that sometimes I'm like Peter when he saw Jesus walking on water.  Jesus called him to get out of the boat and walk towards him, and he did. (see Matthew 14)  But then he started to doubt and look down and started to sink.  I do the same thing.  When I keep my eyes on the Lord, I have peace, and I can do what seems impossible.  But when I look down at my circumstances and the waves surrounding me, I start to sink.  It's true, there are wind and waves all around.  But when my gaze is fixed on Jesus, none of that matters.  

It reminds me of a line in a JJ Heller song, "No matter how the wind may blow, it cannot shake the sun.  Lay your sorrows on the ground, it's time to come back home."