the tide is turning

In January, I wrote about this being a year of transition for our family. In February, I got engaged (!!!) and started working part time at a Christian preschool. Earlier this month, I accepted a full time position as assistant director of the preschool, and assumed my new role last week. I also submitted my letter of resignation to my beloved Starbucks, which was very bittersweet. I loved my job there, and all the people I worked with and served, but it was time to move on. My degree is in Intercultural Child Development, and it's good to be working in a preschool setting again. This is the first time I've worked full time outside the home since having children, so it's a big adjustment, especially with baseball season happening! Between us, Al and I have six children, and four of them are playing baseball or softball. I'm thankful for a 17 year old daughter who helps with the driving, and for my boss, who is trying to accommodate my schedule so that I can be at as many games as possible. The next few months will continue to bring change, as we prepare for our June wedding and look for a place to live and bring our families together. God is good! It's so amazing to think of where we were 5 years ago, and the journey He has brought us on. At times it has been very hard, very lonely, very discouraging.. but all along, God has been by my side (and by Al's side in his journey). He has helped us nurture and guide our children along the way, and now He's bringing our families together and provided a new job for me. His faithfulness is truly great!

sometimes transition is hard.

Being ready for change and even excited about what is ahead does not make one immune to the difficulty that transition can bring. I'm living this now. With my whole heart, I believe that God has good in store, and I look forward to it. I'm also being intentional about savoring what's left of the season my kids and I have been in. But this transitional time is stretching me thin and wearing me out already. 

I feel a bit wimpy admitting this, but I can't deny its truth. I'm looking for what God is wanting to teach me in this. Along with the practical adjustments (mainly in our daily schedule), I've been going through something major spiritually. I literally went from one day feeling on top of the world happy and excited to the next day feeling so depleted in just about every way. And I've been battling it all week. To be really transparent, these are the feelings I've been having: feeling unworthy, unloveable, inadequate, ugly, inferior, and overall just a mess. I'm a thinker and sometimes (way) over-process things, and this week it's been wreaking havoc in my mind. 

A couple of things have helped. First, keeping my attention focused upward. I'm playing worship music constantly, letting it soak into my soul, and praising God for who He is. I'm reading His Word like a treasure and finding reassurance in His promises. And I'm taking my thoughts captive. I can recognize when I start to dwell on thoughts that are deadly. Even when they feel true, I have to stop myself and remember what God says and think on those things instead. It isn't easy, and I'm not saying to stop and pretend it doesn't matter.. but to stop and acknowledge thoughts that are not healthy, try to identify why I'm feeling that way, and then remind myself of truth and purpose to dwell on that instead.

I like to think of transition as something lovely, like the time between afternoon and night. The transition that happens in the sky is a beautiful sunset. And sometimes that can be the case when we face change. But sometimes it's hard, more like the transitional stages of labor. That can be the most intense of all. I remember during one of my labors, when I got to a really tense (and painful) time of transition, I panicked for a split second and thought to myself, "I can't do this! What was I thinking?" But then I collected myself and took a deep, cleansing breath and pushed through. Minutes later, I was holding a beautiful baby, and of course it was all worth it.

If you're going through change and experiencing an intense period of transition, hold on. Take a deep, cleansing breath. Capture dangerous thoughts and soak yourself in truth. Push forward. It will be worth it. 

transition

It took me a little longer than usual to come up with my word for this year. In the fall, the word PERSEVERE kept coming up. And persevere I did. The definition of persevere is to "continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success." This doesn't quite conjure up excitement in me. It's more like dragging heavy boots through deep snow in the bitter cold, hoping that the road won't go on forever and that there might be a nice fire and a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows at the end. (I'm a California girl, but I did live in Minnesota for a while, so I know this cold I speak of. Minnesota nice is a real thing.. but so is Minnesota cold!)

Isaiah 30:18 says, "The Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore He will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him." 

In the last month or so, I've felt that things are beginning to shift. I'm so ready to move into all that God has for us this year. 

I've decided that my word for this year is TRANSITION. Transition is defined as "the process of changing from one state or condition to another." I'm declaring this as a year of change for our family. Good things are ahead and I can hardly wait! 

There are two songs that have stood out to me during Sunday morning worship times and I have to declare them over our family for this year.

The first is "Turn it Around" by Israel and New Breed. Here are the lyrics:

all things are possible for You

all things are possible

nothing's too difficult for You

nothing's too difficult

I'm ready for change 

ready for rain

ready for favor

I know You're able to

turn it around

open the windows of Heaven

pour out a blessing 

OVERFLOW

turn it around

open the windows of Heaven

pour out a blessing 

we cannot contain

let it rain  let it rain

You have turned my mourning to dancing

You've turned my sorrow to joy

You have turned my whole life around

and I thank You Lord I thank You Lord

2015! Ready for change! Ready for rain! Ready for favor!

The other song that really caught my attention is "You Have Called Me Higher" by All Sons & Daughers.

The lyrics:

I could just sit

I could just sit and wait for all Your goodness

hope to feel Your presence

and I could just stay 

I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel You

hope to feel something again

and I could hold on

I could hold on to who I am and never let You

change me from the inside

and I could be safe

I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home

never let these walls down

but You have called me higher

You have called me deeper

and I'll go where You will lead me Lord

You have called me higher

You have called me deeper

and I'll go where You will lead me Lord

where You lead me

where You lead me Lord

and I will be Yours

I will be Yours for all my life

so let Your mercy light the path before me

I've been doing an online Bible study by Havilah Cunnington called I Do Hard Things (it's free!).  It's so so good. Day 5 is all about taking the next step and giving it your full attention. I took so many notes on this day in particular.. I encourage you to click over and watch the video for yourself.  Seriously. So good.

Sometimes God asks us to be still and know that He is God, trusting that He is in control and we are not forgotten. And then He calls us to climb out and move forward. It's time to move from surviving to thriving. 

A friend sent this to me a few days ago from The Passion Translation's Facebook page. She encouraged me to decree this over my family (and I encourage you to do the same!):

It's time to decree a blessing over your family, your finances and your future! The enemy has made decrees over you but so has God. Agree with your Creator.

Father, I decree over everyone reading this today that they will have blessing resting over their families. They will experience more love and breakthrough in their family than ever before. 

I decree over their finances that limitation and lack will be broken off in 2015. I decree their generosity will rise, their wisdom will rise, their savings will rise, their breakthrough will flood into their finances! I decree over their lives that the future will become exciting and alluring not filled with anxiety, full of opportunities not opposition, dreams coming true, not dashed to the ground.

Lord, I speak these decrees over them by faith believing that the God of Mercy will blanket them, your precious people with a grace that is super-abundant and super-energized to bring it to pass.

Amen!

the fire inside you

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Sometimes we need a reminder. Sometimes what we're going through can consume us if we aren't careful. Sometimes it seems that things are so beyond our control and we're not sure how we're going to make it. We feel like no matter what we do or how hard we try, it's not enough. Sometimes our hope gets dim. That's when we need to take a deep breath and take a step back and remember that we're not alone. We were never meant to carry the world on our shoulders or walk through tough times by ourselves. We were made for more. And we will get through this. And if we take our eyes off the fire, we can see the blessings that surround us, even when we can't stand the heat of what we're going through. There is a Fire within that is so much greater than anything we face. By greater, I mean better, but also bigger. Our God is greater, stronger, mightier than any fire we may encounter. And He will get us through it.  

"When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you; your troubles will not overwhelm you. When you pass through fire, you will not be burnt; the hard trials that come will not hurt you." Isaiah 43:2 Good News Bible

Keep going. Stand firm. And please, don't lose hope. Dig deep and let that Fire inside give you the strength and courage to persevere. This too shall pass.

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