We got married!

We. As in the whole family. It was truly such a special, amazing day. We got our pictures back from our awesome photographer Amber a few weeks ago, and it's been fun to look through them and relive the day. Seriously, so special and meaningful in so many ways. 

Here are just a few photos to give you a glimpse of our wedding day. I'll add links to YouTube videos of the songs we played too, because we were very purposeful to include songs with lyrics that really meant something and added a lot of sentiment to the day.

This is when I first arrived. We got married at The Benicia Clock Tower, this rustic old historical building. We were going for an industrial look, so it was perfect. The only downfall was that it was a rather warm day, and there was no air conditioning, just a large fan. It would have been nice to have a little more air circulating, but I don't think it kept anyone from having a good time.

We decided from the beginning that our kids would play significant roles in our wedding ceremony, as our union really includes all of them too. Al's (9 year old) son was his best man. This is them waiting to take their places at the front of the building.

As guests were taking their seats before the ceremony started, we played Sara Grove's song "Fly".

There's an elevator from the lower level of the building up to the main hall, and this is where the rest of the kids and I came in from. It brought us in through the kitchen, which was nice because it was a private area where we weren't seen by guests until it was time... and also because the kitchen is in the middle of the hall and I didn't want to make the long walk all the way from the back of the building with all eyes on me! The song playing while Al and the kids came in and took their places was "Beautiful Things" by Gungor. Our hope for the day was to display God's goodness in taking two broken families and making something beautiful and new. We are in awe of His love and how He's blessed us.

One of my very favorite parts of the day was having my oldest boy walk me down the aisle. He took it the hardest when his dad left and really didn't like the idea of me being in a new relationship in the beginning. He slowly warmed up to it, but when we first talked about getting married, he resisted again. Through lots of talks and lots of prayer, he has come to accept it, and when Al talked to my two oldest kids before asking me to marry him, they both gave him their blessing. To have Zeke walk me down the aisle meant the world to me. We walked in to "At Last" by Etta James.

Our ceremony was beautiful. We wrote our vows to each other, the songs were so perfect for us, and we included the kids in every detail.

The girls were so sweet. Mercy, who never wears dresses, agreed to wear one for the wedding and looked so pretty. Amelie was our flower girl, carrying some petals in a little bucket. Friends told me later that throughout the ceremony, she would look around to see if anyone was watching, and then casually drop a few petals where she was standing on the stage. So cute. Then there's Brooklyn. Holy moly. What a beautiful young lady she has become. 

And these boys. Oh my goodness. They were a crack up the whole time. So handsome, full of giggles, totally adorable.

This picture was posted on instagram by Zeke, with the caption, "What do you do during communion at your mom's wedding? Take a selfie!" Everyone thought it was hilarious. We loved it! (Confession: He told me that morning while we were getting ready that he wanted to do it, and I told him I loved the idea.)

During communion, we played "I Won't Walk Away" by Frontline Worship. Because we know marriage is hard, and we know having a blended family will have challenges. But we are committed to each other and to our kids through the good times and the hard times. "Nothing will take away, nothing can keep at bay the promise and commitment made. I won't walk away. If it's hard, I'll carry it. If it hurts, I'll bury it. Let it come, let it go. I won't walk away. I believe every word that I said and I heard. No I won't change my mind, I won't walk away."

After communion, we gathered in a circle and our pastor prayed over our new family.

Then, since we were in a huddle-like arrangement and because our pastor is fun and sports minded, we all put our hands together like we were ready for a great play. (And I think we are.)

I LOVE that our photographer caught this picture of the boys during the kiss. Priceless!

I think someone was a little excited that we were pronounced husband and wife, and that it was finally time to party! We walked out to a song called, "Look They're Blending" from the movie Blended. So fun!

My beautiful daughter and maid of honor.

Both sides of our family all together. I love this so much. Just missing my dad and stepmom, who were unable to make it.

Brooklyn and Zeke were our witnesses and signed the marriage license.

Our first dance. Al is laughing because I told him I was glad this was the last thing we had to be in the spotlight for, and then we could just be together with our guests. I'm so not good at being the center of attention! We danced to JJ Heller's "Tonight".

Mr. and Mrs. Portillo!

The rings I wore on either side of my engagement ring were Al's grandmother's. She passed away about a year ago, but when I met her literally the day after we started dating, she gave me a bracelet and earrings to wear for our wedding. We missed her that day, but I'm so thankful for the memory of her giving me her jewelry, and I've been wearing the earrings every day since!

Woohoo! Look at my handsome husband!!!

I'm so thankful for this man!

the tide is turning

In January, I wrote about this being a year of transition for our family. In February, I got engaged (!!!) and started working part time at a Christian preschool. Earlier this month, I accepted a full time position as assistant director of the preschool, and assumed my new role last week. I also submitted my letter of resignation to my beloved Starbucks, which was very bittersweet. I loved my job there, and all the people I worked with and served, but it was time to move on. My degree is in Intercultural Child Development, and it's good to be working in a preschool setting again. This is the first time I've worked full time outside the home since having children, so it's a big adjustment, especially with baseball season happening! Between us, Al and I have six children, and four of them are playing baseball or softball. I'm thankful for a 17 year old daughter who helps with the driving, and for my boss, who is trying to accommodate my schedule so that I can be at as many games as possible. The next few months will continue to bring change, as we prepare for our June wedding and look for a place to live and bring our families together. God is good! It's so amazing to think of where we were 5 years ago, and the journey He has brought us on. At times it has been very hard, very lonely, very discouraging.. but all along, God has been by my side (and by Al's side in his journey). He has helped us nurture and guide our children along the way, and now He's bringing our families together and provided a new job for me. His faithfulness is truly great!

a perfect proposal!

For Valentines Day, my love surprised me with a trip in a hot air balloon! It's something I've dreamed of doing since I was little, and although I'm afraid of heights, I was super excited to go! We scheduled our trip for the next weekend, and got up early to drive to Calistoga, where we would depart. It was so cool watching the crew set up the balloon. They rolled it out on a humungous tarp, and started blowing it up with two large fans. 

It was a beautiful day! I was worried it may be a little cold, but it was perfect. Sunny and cool, and just right!

It was so amazing to watch as they inflated our balloon. I really wanted to take off my shoes and run through the inside!

I looked down from the basket for a second and was a little scared, but then I just looked out instead, and it was so beautiful and peaceful. Look at our view!

Another company was setting their balloons up also, but ours took flight first. I think ours was the prettiest!

Shortly before we began our descent, Al pulled out a little black velvet box. He was trying to talk to me, but it was hard to hear him because of the noise of the flame when the pilot pulled the lever to keep us where we needed to be. I kept leaning closer to hear what he was trying to say. He opened the box and looked at me, like he was expecting me to say something... After a few seconds I asked, "Is there something you want to ask me?" And he did. He asked me to marry him. And of course, I said yes. It was a special moment, just between the two of us, even though there were others in the balloon. It may have been the world's quietest proposal. But it was perfect.

When we landed, I noticed a pretty grove of trees and large rocks, so I wanted us to go over there. Al was hesitant, because we were told that sometimes there are rattlesnakes in that area. I figured we were safe, since it was February and probably too cold for them. He didn't get why I wanted to go, but I wanted to hear the rest of his speech! So he agreed. It was short and sweet, and an experience I'll never forget.

We decided to go to San Francisco for the afternoon and celebrate with dinner afterwards, and he wanted to go to the Giants Dugout store. (He bought us matching orange jerseys!) We went to the one at AT&T park, which was perfect, because for our first date, we went to a game there. 

I love this picture (admittedly, his idea). We are in this together. We know a second marriage/ blended family (with six kids!!!) won't be easy.. But it will be worth it. He posted this picture on instagram, and these were his sweet words: "God works in mysterious ways and I'm so thankful for the amazing lady that He so sweetly placed in my life and that of my children. He brought her into my life quite unexpectedly and at a time when her unwavering support was priceless. I have come to know an amazing love through her gentle ways. Thank you my @jenuineruby and I look forward to spending the rest of my years by your side. I love you!"

We kept our news top secret until we had a chance to tell our kids. Al took Brooklyn and Zeke (my 17 and 15 year olds) aside first and shared with them what his intentions are. He had a little talk that was just between them, and I'm so glad he took the opportunity to do that.  We got them all together the next night and took them out for ice cream to celebrate our youngest, Judah's birthday. We told them the story of the hot air balloon ride, and the proposal, and he gave me the ring again, in front of them in Baskin Robbins. They were happy.. especially the younger ones. I think one of them said, "Finally!" and Judah said, "That's the best birthday present ever!" I agree. It's an amazing gift, this redeeming of broken families and the start of something new. 

new school year

My kids started their new school year yesterday. This year I have two in high school, as junior and a freshman. I love their relationship. They did their share of arguing when they were little, but now they are so close. They tease each other and sometimes annoy one another, but they love each other and enjoy doing things together. They look out for each other and are really good friends. Makes my momma heart so happy.

And my little ones.  3rd and 1st graders. I was so impressed with my Mercy when she found out that her two favorite friends would not be in her class.  She said, "It's ok. Making new friends is kind of a talent of mine. My whole class will be my friends." Since preK, Mercy has been to a new school every year until now (Zeke has too). They all had a good first day, love their teachers and their new school campus (same school, different campus). One of the things I love about the school they go to is the sense of community and parent involvement. They require parents to volunteer a certain number of hours throughout the year and the teachers welcome help in the classroom all the time. At this point, my work schedule is such that I can be available during the week to be at school with them sometimes. 

It also affords me the time to put into my handmade business. I've been setting goals and have been planning and making some new things... there will be a shop update and more regular writing very soon. 

dreadiversary

One year ago today, I was on a plane to Portland with Joe to get dreadlocks. Something I'd wanted for a long time, a surprise trip planned by him.  Today things are very different.  Even during that trip, things were not quite right, but I didn't realize at the time how dreadfully different our lives would be today.  I say dreadfully because it is truly a tragedy when a marriage ends (and partly because I'm a big dork and love puns).  But God has stepped in, in such an amazing way, and I can say with all honesty and gratitude that He has given me amazing peace and joy in the last year.  Our divorce was final on March 30.  Just a few days later Joe remarried.  It's been a whirlwind of a year, that's for sure.. but I have a lot to be thankful for.

Here are a few pictures of my dreads when I had them.  I loved them, and it would have been nice if they lasted... but I'm content with my unruly mane.

Wow.  While these photos were uploading, two songs played from my ipod.  The first resonated with my spirit.  I keep praying to be completely humble and for God's will to be done.  

Shoot.  I just checked youtube and couldn't find a video for the first song.  (It's an oldie.)  Here are the lyrics:

Humble Me by Cheri Keaggy

Humble me
Help me be
In a right place with You
Where I look in Your face
And I'm touched by Your grace
And I see You for who You are

Humble me
Help me be
In a right place with You
Where my heart can rejoice
At the sound of Your voice
And I know You for who You are

A holy God, full of glory
Full of love for me
A loving God, full of mercy
In Your will is where I want to be

As the song played, I listened and my heart sang along in full agreement.  Part of my morning prayer time includes the end of Psalm 139: Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.  (Psalm 139:23-24, NIV)

The next song that came on seemed like a response from God's heart to mine:



God is so good!  The perfect Lover of my soul.  I think I'll bask in that love all day!