celebrating and remembering

Yesterday my baby turned three.  I'm not sure how it's possible that three years have already gone by since this sweet one entered our lives.  

This was my very first blog post ever, written shortly after he was born...

Two weeks ago our fourth baby was born.  The birth was amazing.  I had him at home in a waterbirth tub.  Both of our boys were born this way.  It's just coincidence that our girls were born in hospitals.  Each birth was special.  Each time a precious life joined our family.  We are truly blessed.  I have to admit though, I'm tired.  We had our first baby just days before I turned 25.  Now she's 10....

...  That was the beginning of a blog entry I started a few weeks ago.  I don't remember now why I never got a chance to finish.  Sadly, there are other things these days that I start and forget to finish.  Like laundry.

I have a friend who had her fifth baby a few months before I had our fourth.  She had always wanted six, but after number five, she kept saying "I'm getting too old for this!".  I thought that was silly.  She's a few years younger than me, and I felt great.  I had another wonderful pregnancy.  I truly love being pregnant, and even enjoy labor and delivery.  It's so amazing and incredible.  But afterwards, I feel it.  Especially this time.  Another amazing birth experience, but the contracting uterus pains afterwards (for several days) were not fun.  And engorgement was not so good either.  It took until just recently for my little guy to have a good latch so that it finally doesn't hurt so much when I feed him.  We decided even before he was born that this was our "fourth and final".  And I'm ok with that.  I love being a mom.  I love that each of our kids has their own personality and gifts.  Brooklyn is our creative one.  Our planner.  You throw out an idea and she'll run with it, planning out every detail.  Zeke is thoughtful and sensitive, and also very athletic.  He loves skateboarding, and I just learned from watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition last week, that he's into le parkour.  There's actually a name for all the crazy jumping, spinning moves he does around the house.  Mercy is a bundle of joy and energy.  And she's at that age where she's always saying something that I should be writing down.  Like the other night when she tried to climb a tree. She didn't get very far, but then she backed away and looked up at it and proclaimed, "MY God made that tree!"  Judah is very sweet and mellow.  He's starting to smile and trying to make sounds and talk to us.  But mostly he still sleeps, and when he's awake, he's very content.

Little Judah is now two months old, and I think I'm getting the hang of this, having four kids.  I'm not always on time anymore, and grocery shopping with all of them is not my favorite, but life is good.  More correctly, God is good.  He's been so sweet to me, answering so many big and simple prayers.   I'm not a great mom.  I forget things and loose my temper and don't always have clean socks for them to wear.  But I love them with all my heart and am trying to savor every moment I have with them.

 

how He loves us

 

It's Valentines Day.  And I am near the end of a divorce.  But I am living loved.  Some days God's love is so overwhelming to me.  Today I'm feeling His love in a really mighty, yet very intimate way.  His love is so perfect, and always exactly what I need.  My heart goes out to other singles today.  I pray that the amazing love of God will be so real and so present in the hearts of the lonely and broken hearted.  His love is measureless.  It is perfect and unending.  It is unconditional.  It is enough.

"measureless love" print (available in my etsy shop)

reminiscing:: my little valentines

Happy Valentines Day!  I was up early this morning, setting out Valentine treats for my kids and remembered a couple of past Valentines Days, when my boys were babies.  I found some dark lipstick, smooched them up real good and took pictures of my little Valentines.

 

Mmmm... I love love love the smell of baby's breath.  (that is, before foods are introduced.. then the smells of lots of things change.)

Zeke was my little Valentine baby in 2000.  I wonder if he'll let me put kisses all over his face today before school?

And this was Judah in 2009.  My littlest love.  Poor guy didn't sleep well last night (which means momma didn't either) he has a fever and a cough.  Lots of snuggles for this one today.

 

changes

This is me this morning. Looking forward to (and bracing myself for) some changes ahead. I try to keep things as normal and consistent for the kids as I can, but some changes now and then are necessary.  I miss being a homeschool mom, spending my days with my kids, but I am thankful for the schools my children go to and how they are adjusting.

My work schedule at Starbucks is changing this week. There are pluses and minuses to this, but I'm trying to focus on the positives. I'll be home in the early mornings now, which will allow for more prayer and Bible study time, as well as extra time to put into my business. I will be here for the kids, to get them up, make their breakfast, pack their lunches and get them off to school. I'll go into work after they're all dropped off. I have loved my opening shift at Starbucks for the last year and a half, and will really miss the rush and my favorite customers who come early... but I'll look forward to Fridays there, my one opening shift of the week from now on.

This week has been another doozy as far as being on my own and dealing with challenges that come my way (car battery died, refrigerator died, lost keys, parenting)... but I'm reminded that even though I've been forsaken by one and sometimes feel abandoned, I'm truly not alone. I'm so thankful for the friends and family that surround me and are always willing (and happy) to help. It's hard for me to ask for help sometimes and I strongly dislike having to rely on other people... but they've proven again and again that we're all in this together. I am so humbled and SO thankful. And God continues to meet my every need, and even my desires. His love is such a sweet, perfect love. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.... He restores my soul..." (Psalms 23:1, 3)

this week

Ugh! This gall bladder surgery recovery thing is kicking my booty! It's now been a week since I spent an entire day in excruciating pain leading up to my ER visit and surgery. I'm so glad I had the surgery because I know it will be better once I'm all healed... but holy moly! I'll spare you the details and just say that Vicodin is not my friend. Beware of the side affects. I've been pretty miserable the last few days. I still can't lift my little Judah, which breaks my heart when he looks up and says "hold you" with his big dark brown eyes. (That part's not because of the vicodin, but because my tummy is still healing.) I am up and about a little more... driving to take and pick up kids from school, and only the most necessary errands. I'm hoping that in a few days I'll be feeling more like myself. The hardest part is being home, making myself take it easy when I see so many things that need to be done. I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who love and take care of me. The kids are helping with laundry and dishes, Zeke is going to help take down the Christmas tree tomorrow, my sister and nephew went grocery shopping with me the other day so I didn't have to lift and carry everything by myself, and we've been getting meals this week from good friends. I'm counting my blessings while trying my hardest to be gentle with myself.

Pretty pathetic, I know. I'm spending my days in the Word, and reading this book, watching a few movies, art journaling and resting. Also making goals and looking forward to what's ahead. Good things are coming. I have hope.

word for 2011:: hope

Psalm 71:14

how I brought in the New Year

For months and months I've had horrible upper abdominal pain after various foods that I eat. I've cut back on fatty foods and tried to be a lot more careful about what I ate, but lately it seems that just about everything I eat brings on this pain. Last Wednesday I took my kids to a movie (we saw Tangled.. so good!) and we ate popcorn. All evening I was in pain. Usually I can go to bed and the pain is gone by morning, but this time I couldn't get comfortable all night and it was still really bad in the morning on Thursday. So I made an appointment to have it checked out... that was at 10am. My doctor sent me to ultrasound and then back to her office. It was in fact gallstones, adn my gall bladder was enflamed, so they sent me to the ER to do surgery. I was on a bed in the ER for a while, then moved to a room. I went for surgery around 7pm and it was a pretty quick operation. The did the laparoscopic procedure, so I just have a few small incisions. My sister Michelle was with me most of the day, and stayed with me until I was settled back in my room after surgery (which was around midnight because I had lot of nausea and vomitting after surgery).

I'm now recovering at Michelle's house. I'm so thankful for her and her amazing family. I am in pain (especially when I cough) but healing well and feeling loved.

I had big plans of staying up and celebrating the end of 2010 and welcoming the New Year with open arms... instead I was tucked away in my niece's bedroom sleeping soundly as the clock struck midnight. I may not have been awake to welcome the new year, but I am excited to see what this year holds and ready to receive what it has in store.

get your paint on ecourse!

I'm so excited about this new ecourse by Mati McDonough and Lisa Congdon! It's called Get Your Paint on and is going to be a five week online painting class. Read more about it here.

I've met both of these fabulous painters... I was Mati's intern for about a year, and met Lisa through her. I love that they both got started in their artistic careers in their 30s, and they both have styles that are fun and quirky.

new coffee sleeves in my shop!

I uploaded 17 new coffee sleeves to my shop today! Go take a look! Please order by this Sunday, December 19th for Christmas deliveries! These make great stocking stuffers, especially when paired with a gift card to a favorite coffee shop!

giving thanks

This Thanksgiving, and many other days, I remind myself and my kids that even though things have not gone as we would have liked lately, we still have plenty to be thankful for (and then we go on to list several things we're grateful for and try to keep our focus on our blessings). All our feelings of loss, disappointment, hurt, sadness, even anger at times are valid. I'm teaching my kids that it's totally normal and okay to feel each of the feelings we have.. but then to talk about them, pray about them and release them, so that we don't become bitter. God wants us to have joy-filled lives. We can choose to focus on the pain, or we can determine to focus on the positive. I choose joy. (Disclaimer: I struggle too sometimes, and I have to remind myself just like I do my kids. I'm so thankful for them.. I keep going and choosing joy because that's what I want for them, and I know they learn best by example.)

One of the things I'm most thankful for right now is the love of friends and family. Here are some pictures of our family at Thanksgiving.

My sister Michelle and her husband Mark. They were the hosts of this year's Thanksgiving festivities. I'm the middle of three sisters, and we take turns hosting each year.

It's become a tradition to play this silly game we call "Pluck the turkey". Brooklyn cut out a bunch of paper feathers, and we taped them all over Mark and Michelle. They run around the backyard "gobbling" while the kids chase them and try to pluck their feathers!

My niece Emily (17), third from the left above, had just finished this art project on her bedroom wall. She wallpapered an entire wall with scrapbook papers. I love how colorful and bright it is!

Between the three of us we have 10 children, ranging in ages from 17 to 2. They're all very close and have so much fun when we're together.

I had to work the next morning (Black Friday) at 3:00am! (I usually start at 4:00, but we had to get there early for the eager shoppers!) My kids stayed the night at my sister's house and we all got together again later for some go-cart fun.

Sisters... that's me on the left, Michelle and Kelly.

Oldest and youngest ready to ride! (Judah LOVED it!)

Kelly and I took a turn too. I'm not sure why I let her drive first... I guess it's because I'm the nice one! =)

My brother-in-laws are the best! Black Friday this year also happened to be our anniversary. Last year at this time I had no idea I'd be mourning on this day, our 16th wedding anniversary. Some very dear friends knew it would be a hard day and brought me flowers at work, and later when I was with my family, my brother-in-laws went out to buy me flowers too. They're the best.

A few days later, I was at a meeting and Michelle was going to watch the kids. Instead of taking them to her house, they stayed at our house and put up some Christmas lights for us! My nieces even chipped in some of their allowance to help buy the lights! Such a nice surprise!!! The girls also made hot chocolate from scratch... so I came home to a bright, smelly good home! I am so thankful.