song of the day:: At the Foot of the Cross

boys just wanna have fun

Tonight my 11 year old son told me about some prank calls he, his cousin and his friend made a few weeks ago. I asked when they did this, and he informed me that it was a time when they were here, at our house, using our phone book a few weeks back. I was a little surprised I was just now hearing about it. He said, "Don't worry Mom, we used *67." Apparently, if you dial *67 before making a call, it doesn't show your number on caller ID and they can't call you back.

The stories were kinda hilarious and I really couldn't get mad. I told him I made plenty of prank calls when I was a kid, and that it's good clean fun. It was kind of a nice bonding moment for us. But I decided to give him a few rules. #1. Never call 911. #2. Never scare anyone. #3. If you call someone and it annoys them, don't call them back. I also told him it was probably best that he told me about it after the fact. I told him in this case, it's probably best not to ask permission because it might put me in an awkward position and I might have to say no.

Any other rules I should have thought of?

my loves

My silly kids and me. Oh how I love them!

I wanted an updated family picture of the kids and I, so my sister took some for us yesterday. It's challenging to get four kids to be still, look at the camera, and smile like they mean it when they'd rather be playing with cousins... but we got some good ones. 

beauty.
such a sweet boy. for real.
full of joy.
This little guy and his dark brown eyes. He melts me every time.

Learning to be a single mom isn't easy... but these children are amazing. I am blessed.

I hope you're well and healing and finding peace.

I have received several thoughtful comments lately to my posts about my current struggles at home (see unravelled, you hold my world and forgiveness). Yesterday Daniele said at the end of her comment, "I hope you're well and healing and finding peace." Thank you, all of you, who have prayed for us, left comments, expressed love and concern, etc. It means so much to me. For reals.

"Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love." -Jane Austen

I haven't shared details of what's going on because I don't think this is an appropriate place to vent my hurts, regrets, frustrations, etc. I will, however, share how I'm getting through it and give updates from time to time.

It's been about six weeks since Joe moved out. It's really been a whirlwind, but God has held me steady and given me peace in the midst of this storm. Last week (the day before my birthday) I was served divorce papers. It seemed like such a slap in the face at the time, but really the timing turned out to be ok. That night the kids and I got together with some very dear friends who were in the area, visiting from Minnesota. We had a wonderful evening with them, and the next day was my birthday. I woke up full of hope and had a fun morning at work, then met with my sister for a quick coffee date before going to lunch with some friends. Later I took my kids out for gelato, and overall it was a day full of blessings. (I also received three bouquets of flowers!) The day after, I went away for the weekend with my sisters and my mom to the Aglow national conference. It was the first time the four of us have done something like this together and it was so so good. We enjoyed each other's company, laughed good hearty laughs, and enjoyed the presence of the Lord together. What was hurtful a few days before seemed like "light and momentary troubles" (see 2 Corinthians 4:17) in light of who God is and how much He loves little ol' me. His promises are still true and I will praise Him through this storm.

I was looking at something yesterday and saw this definition for the word forsaken (or forsook): "to give up (something once held dear)". It hurts to be forsaken. I do have regrets. I am sad. My heart breaks for my kids. There were some rough days this week, and I'm sure there are still more ahead. But I have hope. I have peace. I have confidence that my kids and I are being held tightly in the arms of our Father God. (Psalm 91) I trust that He will take care of us and never let us go. He loves with such a perfect, unending love. He is good. All the time.

Some books that I'm reading/ studying right now that keep me plugged in to TRUTH: When Wallflowers Dance (Angela Thomas), Crazy Love (Francis Chan), Every Single Day (Donna Huisjen ), and the Bible.

I also turn on worship music right after I set down my keys when I come in the door, and first thing in the morning. I should figure out how to make a playlist and include some current favorites in a post... but these are some albums I've been enjoying lately: Healing Waters (Klaus), Consumed (Jesus Culture), Worth it All (Rita Springer). It really helps to be constantly surrounded by music that lifts up my spirit and takes my mind from my circumstances into His presence.

I am well and healing and finding peace. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all the love and support. I am living loved.

I have a teenager!

My beautiful girl is 13 today. She's so excited to finally be old enough for facebook! This is the photo she chose for her profile pic. Isn't she cute! =)

soup season:: potato medley

I love love love autumn. For lots of reasons. Today's reason is soup. Soup is one of my favorite comfort foods. This morning I found a few potatoes that needed to be used quick, so I cubed and boiled them until soft. Meanwhile, I found a few other things that would make a nice addition to a soup. I don't really have a recipe, but here's the gist of what I did:

5 small-ish potatoes, cut up and boil.

1/2 a red onion, chopped in food processor

a handful of baby carrots, chopped in food processor

about 1/2 head of cauliflower, also chopped in food processor

After chopping veggies in the food processor, I threw them in a pan with some butter (couple tablespoons maybe) and some garlic (a clove)... sauteed for a while, until soft. When the potatoes were soft, I drained them and then added some milk (I had 2% on hand) and gave them a mash. Not a thorough mashing, like for mashed potatoes.. just a semi-mash. Then I added the other veggies and some more milk. This part is up to you, how "soupy" you want it.. I left mine on the thick side. Finally, I seasoned it with salt and pepper, and then sat down to savor it while checking facebook.

I welcome any wonderful soup recipes. I'm a huge fan. Enjoy!

forgiveness

Today I told Joe that I'm choosing to forgive him. It's not because he deserves it or even because he's asked for it, but because I don't want bitterness to become a part of me. This has been a hard week. I don't like the way I've been feeling when I'm around him. It's just been yucky. And so I choose forgiveness. Here's the thing. Holding on to hurts doesn't do anything to the other person. But it leaves this yuck in us that can turn into bitterness, and that's just not something I want in my life. It may be a daily choice that I have to make, and it doesn't mean that I won't get angry or hurt sometimes. What it does mean is that I will feel the anger or the hurt when they come, but then I'll let them go. I won't allow them to penetrate into my being or let them infect my spirit.

One thing is for certain. God is my peace. I don't know how anyone can get through things like this without Him.

"Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." (not sure where this originated.)

I choose peace. I choose hope. I choose joy.

you hold my world

I love love love Israel Houghton. Last night I was told that he had a new album out, and I went to itunes immediately to download it. Perfect timing. SO perfect. Joe and I have agreed that he would take the kids on Thursdays so that I can have a day off. They're with me the rest of the week. He comes in the mornings and takes the girls to school three days a week while I'm at work, but now I'll take the girls to school (after a stop at Starbucks as long as they're ready early enough!) and then have the rest of the day to run errands, read a book, catch up on work around the house, go to a movie... basically whatever. So I was really looking forward to today: a chance to blast this new album while getting some things done at home. And this song hit me at such the perfect time, in such a perfect way. The lyrics:

Take my heart/ Lord will You take my heart/ As I surrender to Your will/ I confess You are my righteousness/ And until You move me I'll be still/ And know that You are God/ YOU HOLD MY WORLD IN YOUR HANDS/ YOU HOLD MY WORLD IN YOUR HANDS AND/ I AM AMAZED AT YOUR LOVE/ I AM AMAZED THAT YOU LOVE ME/ YOU HOLD MY WORLD IN YOUR HANDS/ YOU HOLD MY WORLD IN YOUR HANDS AND/ I'M NOT AFRAID MY WORLD IS SAFE/ IN YOUR HANDS OH/ IN YOUR HANDS/ Take my life/ Lord will You take my life/ You are the reason that I live/ I believe You have forgiven me/ And by Your grace I will forgive/ And know that You are God/ And know that You are God/ You won't let go of me/ You won't let go of me/ You won't let go of me/ You won't let go never let go/ You will take care of me/ You will take care of me/ You will take care of me/ You will take care always take care/ You hold my world in Your hands/ You hold my world/ And You won't let go

My suggestion: Proceed directly to itunes and download asap. Enjoy. And feel the love.

xoxo

unravelled

It's been a couple of months now since I went to Portland to get dreads. A lot has happened in those two months. I've followed dread journeys of two others before going to start my own. My friend Denise, and the lovely Sara. Both of them talk about how their journey with dreads parallel their lives and their personal journeys. Sadly, the same is true in my case.

My dreads started going crazy after just over a week of having them. I knew they would go through wild stages, but I had some pretty reckless loops of undreaded hair coming out. I tried to wait it out, thinking it would get better over time, and I scoured the internet (mostly flickr dread pools) for others who have experienced the same thing. I wished I were closer to Stephanie so she could take a look and help manage my crazy mess. I finally found Evelyn, an experienced dread stylist in Santa Cruz (about an hour & a half away from me) and made an appointment to see her. Brooklyn and I went to see Evelyn one day and hoped that she could tame my locks.. but after a careful observation of my dreads, she recommended combing them out and starting over. She said she could try to work with them if I wanted, but that it would likely take at least 5 hours. I decided to go home and start the work of combing them out.

(these photos were taken a week or two before going to see Evelyn... it actually got much worse, but I don't have photos of the final stage before I combed them out.)

(about half way through combing out... there were still a few in the back... it took about four days.)

Meanwhile, as my hair was coming unravelled, my marriage was too. Joe moved out this week. I'm not going into details here but I did want to let you know that this is happening. Please keep our family in your prayers, especially our four children: Brooklyn (nearly 13), Zeke (turning 11 on Sunday), Mercy (4) and Judah (2).

the necklace project

My necklace project post is up on the in the wish studio blog today. Check it out here!